Over the past few years, you might have known me for my worship music, which has been full of heartfelt and authentic emotions about GOD as I have perceived Him to be. I have spent my whole life trying to put the nature of the LORD into words. I have written an endless number of songs in hopes of expressing my confident faith in who I have believed Him to be. I’ve always shown up so genuinely before you. Yet, more importantly, I’ve also always shown up honestly before the LORD.
To be transparent with you, I have been deeply invested in a worship-postured wrestle for truth. I haven’t been wrestling to escape the LORD, but rather to know Him for who He truly is and what He truly values. I desire more than anything, to know His heart like He knows mine.
This search for wisdom about the heart of GOD has caused a time of profound change in my understanding of Him. I believe we have to be more committed to what is true than to what we know. We have to trust the LORD more than we trust our own religious stances. Living in the beauty of seeking deeper understanding and the intimacy we experience as we live holy life of pure worship, requires us to continually be in pursuit of seeing GOD rightly.
I have had to repent before Him for my pride and my fear. I’d like to take a moment and do the same before you. Humbly, I am asking for your forgiveness, for any ways that my life and my songs have pointed your attention towards an image of GOD that is less than who He really is. I have learned that He is infinitely more magnificent than I could have ever anticipated before I was willing to sit with questions that made my most foundational beliefs about His character tremble.
Please forgive me, for the unwaveringly confident faith I have privately held and publicly displayed. I was paralyzed by my own fear of being rejected by the LORD and the people I love if I were to question or doubt what I have believed all my life. The fear of uncertainty was a root that inspired me to sing, write, and preach in front of tens of millions of people what I had been taught without first allowing the LORD to utilize the powerful gift of critical thinking He has placed on my life. I am no longer unaware of the ignorance I have openly operated in, and I am sorry.
I have been slowly yet steadily coming to the realization that even at the cost of our own comfortability and sense of identity, we can no longer blindly accept unchallenged liturgies and dogma. I have been developing a notion of faith being so much more than an echo of Sunday morning sermons and songs. Faith is even more than the feelings of hope and certainty we have when we cling to an internal sense of purpose or assurance.
Faith is an expedition of curiosity intended for the souls who are brave enough to stare their own perspectives in the eyes and ask, “Why?”. Faith is an exploration designed for those of us in every generation who crave the wisdom of GOD enough to recognize and challenge our own prejudices and biases. The most vibrant faith is one that is fearless enough to be more committed to growth than to certitude. The most luminous faith is one that is willing to cultivate time and space to embrace difficult questions and surrender our own thoughts, ideas, beliefs, emotions, and experiences in the name of worship.
My journey with the LORD, once focused on creating worship music filled with declarations of credence has led me to a passion of diving into the deepest and most majestic waters of His word, in every facet of my life and ministry. I am immeasurably ecstatic for you to hear the heartbeat of a curious faith in the songs and books I’ve been writing. I truly am so elated to share what I’ve learned throughout this past season, and to learn alongside you in the next epoch!
He truly has mercifully restored my soul within me. All is for His glory. Baruch HaShem.